through those few weeks of bleeding and miscarrying, i walked through a lot of anger. a lot of questioning. a lot of pain, hurt, disappointment, and fear.

but one day when i was reading my bible, i was hit with a revelation that i would like to share with you all. god did not cause me to miscarry. he actually was right there weeping with me the whole time.

now, my personality type tries to fix problems. everything i see is facts and logistics. this isn’t a bad thing, but sometimes i think we can unintentionally put our own preconceived thoughts and feelings onto god without even realizing it. i thought god was probably looking down on me crying, thinking to himself, “i will bring good out of this, tia.” and for the record, that is 100% true! but i was missing half of the equation. god was not only encouraging me and giving me hope for the future, but he was also sad with me.

in john 11, jesus heard about the news that lazarus had died. before he went to raise him from the dead, he mourned and wept because he loved lazarus and was there comforting his sisters.

the day i realized that christ was sitting there embracing me because he also knows that miscarriage is wrong and disheartening, is the day i turned the corner from sadness to hope. i learned, for the first time, what it was truly like to see jesus as my comforter. it hit me in the most beautiful way. i remember taking a walk. no phone, no music, no distractions. just time talking with my heavenly father. it made me so giddy because i had this preconceived notion that jesus was just trying to help me move on. but i was wrong! he loved that baby so much. he/she was his son/daughter!! wow.

i don’t wish a miscarriage on anyone ever. but, god is so good that he can bring hope and clarity out of such crappy situations. god is so good.

tia marie

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