I have only been a parent for about 1.5 years at this point, but I wanted to share some of the things my husband and I do or do not believe in doing with our current & future kiddos.
Calling My Child A Good Or Bad Kid
I think it can be easy to say, “Aww that’s what a good girl does,” or “Don’t be bad,” etc., but I don’t want my child to grow up thinking their actions are linked to their identity. I like the phrasing of, “You’re a good kid making a poor decision” or something along those lines. I find myself correcting my phrasing & word choice a lot because I know the power of words & I never want to say something that could negatively stick with my child for years to come.
In addition, we are parents who want our kids to know how much we believe in them! Everyone makes bad choices from time to time, but they will always have their mom & dad loving on them and cheering them on in everything. And if every time they make a mistake, we are telling them they’re bad, they’re ultimately going to believe they are a bad kid.
Not Giving My Kids A Choice About Attending Church
My husband and I are Christians and will be raising our kids in the church. Once our kids are old enough and out of the home, it will be their decision to attend church or not, but as long as they’re under our roof, they’ll be going to church with us every week. We make church a priority and we want them to see that.
Along with that, they will also grow up hearing us read the Bible out loud, seeing us read the Bible on our own, and we will pray as a family. These are all important things to us!
Not Spanking Our Kids
This can be a touchy subject for some people, but we do not want to spank our kids. I believe there are plenty of other ways to discipline your children that are not physical. Kids are learning how to regulate their emotions. They won’t understand healthy ways to deal with their anger if all we do is spank them or put them in a timeout when they get angry and act out. I want to get down to their level and help them figure out why they’re feeling what they’re feeling, that it’s okay to feel that, and help them figure out what we can do when we feel that way.
Calling Things As They Are
There are a lot of things that fit under this one. The main one that comes to mind is in relation to body parts. I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking their body parts are called other goofy things just because I feel awkward saying the word or talking about it. Because in this day and age, I think it is very crucial that kids are aware of these things just in case they would need to describe something to me that happened to their body that is very important and necessary to tell me.
We don’t give kids enough credit for how smart they are. If we shorten words or change what things are called when they’re young just so they can pronounce it or “understand”, we’re actually doing them a disservice. If they ask you what you’re doing, tell them what you’re doing. Maybe don’t give them the 10-minute long version but tell them you’re changing out the light bulb so you can see better or loading up the dishwasher so our dishes can be clean or writing a check to pay the bills. Kids understand more than you think & they’ll catch on.
I Thrift Most Of Their Clothes & Toys
I rarely buy new clothes & toys for my kids. They grow out of things so quickly and stains happen so fast that I thrift most of everything! It’s better for the environment and kids don’t care! I don’t think kids need the newest and coolest thing to learn or have fun. If you’ve ever been around a toddler, you already know they love the box more than the toy anyways. And you can find some amazing deals at thrift stores!!
No Electronics For A WHILE
We are FIRM believers in electronics having a time and place but not until they’re much older. We do not agree with young kids having their own iPads and phones cause you know what happens to those kids? They get addicted because I know that’s what they’re made for. We want to encourage our kids to read books, play outside, use their imagination, build forts, etc. That’s what kids are supposed to do! Our kids will watch tv and movies from time to time, but they will not be sitting on electronics daily for hours. There are a million studies that prove this increases ADHD, attention span, etc. Once they’re adults, life will be filled with technology so we might as well push it off as much as we can.
Not Fighting In Front Of Our Kids
My husband & I always want to honor one another. We do not want to talk negatively to our kids (or anyone for that matter) about each other. We want our kids to see a healthy marriage- one that is uplifting and encouraging. One that shows love, respect, grace, & honor. Yes- our kids will see us disagree because we’re humans, but we never want to fight in front of them. We always want to put one another in the best light so our kids can learn to do the same towards us, there siblings, their friends, & their future spouse.
Honestly, I could keep the list going, but those are a few starters. 🙂 If you like this subject, I can for sure do a part two. Or I could film a YouTube video on this as well. While you’re at it, head on over to my YouTube channel here and subscribe. 🙂 You’ll find some similar content over there.
Tia Marie
tia marie 