My husband I began having kids at a young age. We were both 23 when our son was born and 24 when our daughter was born. After having two children so close together, we’ve had many conversations over the last few months as to what the rest of our family will look like and when. Ideally, we want to be done having kids by the time we’re 30 years old so we can be young parents and still be young when they’re out of the house.
Before we had kids, we both agreed on 4 kids. Then, after a couple *harder* months of 2 under 2 (still in this but obviously some seasons/days are much more challenging) we said maybe 3 kids would be where we would stop. Every hard day made us think about being done and every easier day made us think about more.
But just the other week, we officially decided on 4 again after talking more about the future. There are going to be hard days and going to be days that are easier and more enjoyable, but we don’t want to base one of the biggest decisions on one harder day. And obviously, these are our man-made plans. We want God’s will and plan for us first & foremost. And He’ll make it clear to us when we should be done or if we should have another.
But I’d like to share with you the reasonings behind why we want 4 kids and why we’ve set our hearts on this number for our family.
- We feel like if you have more than 4 kids, it just starts to seem more unmanageable- bigger car, bigger house, bigger & more of everything. We want to be able to have one-on-one time with each of our kids and each of them to feel like they get attention from us without feeling like we’re constantly dealing with a new baby and they don’t get that special time. So, we feel like 4 kids is that sweet spot.
- We like the idea of built-in best friends for our kids (this is especially why we had the first 2 so close in age). More kids = more besties for your kids! More playmates, siblings to stick up for you, call when you’re older, etc. I was so close to my brothers but it was also hard at time because they were 6 & 9 years older than me so we were always in different seasons of life. This is also why we want our kids fairly close in age.
- We think about the future. Way into the future. When my husband & I pass away, we know that can be a stressful time for kids to deal with their parents’ house, belongings, money, etc. More kids means more kids to help out & be there for one another as they grieve. I would hate to have 1 kid and then we die and that kid is left with little to no family.
- You never know what will happen. Now, I don’t want to be morbid, but I had one of my two siblings pass away when I was 15 years old from cancer. You don’t plan on that or even think about that. Now, I’m left with just one living sibling. And even though we are super close still, he’s 9 years older than me and it just feels like something (someone) is missing. I wish I had more siblings to live my life with. I want to provide that for my kids.
- I love the idea of a big family. Thinking about when our kids are older and they get married and have kids, I want the Thanksgiving table full of people, laughter, kids, etc. It just makes my heart so happy thinking about a big family that can be best friends and live life together.
And I know that more kids means more sacrifice on things, but I am so excited for the future of our family. Now, we do NOT want another baby soon. My body needs time to rest and chill out a bit after 2 so close in age (and I’m only 5 months postpartum right now). But, very excited for the years to go by and see our family plans play out (& ultimately, God’s plans for us). We believe children are a blessing from the Lord (Psalm 127:3)!!
Tia Marie
tia marie 