Sleep is a topic that can be a bit sensitive to new mamas. They’re inundated with all the methods they definitely should or definitely should not try with their child. On one side they’re told that sleep training is the best thing and they won’t regret it. On the flip side, they’re told that sleep training will be the worst thing and create bad habits for their child’s sleep. All the while, this mama just wants more sleep for herself and doesn’t know how to get to that point.
I am *far* from a child sleep expert. BUT, I have had 2 newborns and know what it’s like to not be getting much sleep and know how refreshing it is when you do. Both my kids are excellent sleepers and the following things I am super confident in for helping to raise good sleeping kiddos.
Before I share, I am not here to say I am doing everything right. I’m just stating things my husband & I do/don’t do that help my kids’ sleeping habits. If you do things differently, that’s okay! All these things won’t necessarily work for your kids, but they did for mine, so you might as well give them a go if you’re desperate for some sleep.
It’s all about habits- not training.
I am not a fan of sleep training. I have known too many kids who will only sleep with specific things taking place. They can only sleep with black out curtains, a sound machine, quiet house, their own crib, etc. What happens when you have a sleepover at grandma’s house? What happens when you’re on vacation and don’t have black out curtains? What happens when you forget to bring the sound machine with? Well, your child is so trained to sleep with those things that they probably won’t sleep then… That sounds exhausting to me.
From a young age, give your children various sleeping arrangements. Our kids have never had black out curtains; they’re super unnecessary when you think about it. People talk about pacifiers being difficult to wean a kid from, but talk about weaning them from specific sleeping conditions! My son did a night at my parent’s house as early as 9 weeks old. He had no sound machine, was away from us, and was in a pack n play, & he did amazing!
If your child doesn’t know what it’s like to sleep in a super black room, then they won’t require that. Same goes for other things people train their kids to have. We do have a sound machine in our kids’ room; it helps them know it’s time to sleep, but they have done many nights without it when we’re at my parent’s house and they do just fine.
It all starts when they’re newborns.
If you want your kid to become a good sleeper, it all starts when they’re young. I deliberately do loud things while my babies sleep so they learn to sleep through it- vacuuming is a great example. I love following the schedule of “eat, play, sleep” for newborns. They nurse/have a bottle, play (tummy time, reading books, play with toys, etc), and then they take a nap. This repeats all day everyday (for newborns specifically). This helps establish a good routine but isn’t super rigid with the exact times they must do things. Sometimes they may take an hour nap and other naps might by 3 hours, but as long as they’re getting fed, time to play, and sleeping, they’re getting what they need. You just need to be intentional about the time they are awake. Make their awake time as stimulating for them as possible- go outside, books, variety of positions, etc.
Don’t be a helicopter parent.
We all think a helicopter parent (super hovering and overly protective) is established once their children become teenagers, but that’s incorrect. There is a healthy balance between being there for your kids, taking care of all their needs and not letting them figure things out on their own. For example, we lay our kids down when they’re groggy but not fully asleep for bed. Why? We wanted our kids to learn how to fall asleep on their own. And guess what? They both did- & at an early age too. If anytime your child makes a peep, you come running into their room, what are you teaching them? Obviously, if your kid is crying and crying, attend to them; they need you!! But, kids make noises in their sleep; it’s completely normal. You might actually be disturbing their sleep cycle by grabbing them anytime a single noise comes out of their mouth. Same goes with rocking or nursing them to sleep. Yes- it is a special bonding moment and super special; I get that, I do. But what happens when dad does nighttime routine and he doesn’t have a boob to feed to your baby? Training your kids to only sleep with certain things, is hindering their overall sleep.
Be a chill parent.
My kids are pastor’s kids. This means they are at church a lot. This also means their naps and sleep schedules are interrupted and changing. My son was at a church youth group event at 6 days old. This meant his night time sleep began when we were out and about & in a car seat. But moments like this are actually teaching your kids to be chill. I think new mamas specifically get really concerned that something won’t go right if their kid is in bed 20 minutes later than normal. Kids are more laid back than we give them credit for. Kids are truly resilient. Obviously, your newborn needs to get to bed, but their whole schedule won’t be thrown off by one later night. In this, you’re actually helping them get used to various sleeping conditions.
You as a parent will have things you’re convicted of and choose to do or not do, but coming from a Christian parent, please, for your kids’ sake, be chill. If you stress about everything, your kid will feel that and in turn, not be a content/chill baby. Listen to your mama instincts on what you feel is right/wrong, but don’t overthink and worry about everything.
Google is not the answer.
If you have a question about something with your child, do not Google it. Some moms Google everything & I just don’t think it’s healthy. Instead, ask a fellow parent who you trust, a pediatrician, etc. One time, I was curious why my toddler was hitting his head playfully. I was curious if this was a sign language for something, so I googled it so I could be aware. And guess what Google said? It was down syndrome. I obviously didn’t take this seriously whatsoever because it’s very obvious that is not what’s going on with my son. But, my husband and I actually chuckled because some people believe everything Google says and if so, we would’ve needed to start to worry, but we knew there was no need to. Google has some answers, but Google does not know your specific child and in turn, doesn’t know what’s best for them.
Prayer.
Pray for your child’s sleep. The best and most important thing you can do for them is to lift them up in prayer. Surround your child’s room in prayer. Pray for restful and peaceful sleep. Prayer goes farther than we think it does.
You’re doing a great job, mama!! Keep up the good work. You are strong! And those sleepless nights won’t last forever. ❤
Tia Marie
tia marie 