If you’ve read my recent posts, you’d know that my husband and I had a second trimester miscarriage at the beginning of December. Since then, The Lord has been really working and speaking to me. I’d like to share my heart with you…
After the loss of our son, we spent a few weeks feeling numb, bitter, sad, and a lack of excitement for the future. It didn’t feel natural to post or talk about anything “normal;” by heart was still hurting so badly. It didn’t feel like my heart would ever heal. All I wanted to do was sit in my sadness.
But, a few weeks later, I started laughing more, seeing more enjoyment in life again, and could feel a renewed sense of hope from God. (Isaiah 40:31) I was still very sad, but I also trusted God so deeply that I knew he’d use this for good, somehow, someway, someday.
My heart was healing.
“This is the year for you, Tia,” my husband has told me over and over. We told ourselves that we were going to give my body time to heal and not try for a baby for a full year. My body has been pregnant 4x in the last 3 years (2 miscarriages, 2 full-term births). As much as I long for another baby and to be pregnant again, I feel a sense of excitement for focusing on myself this year so I can enter a new pregnancy as a healthier version of myself (emotionally, spiritually, & physically).
And let’s normalize the fact that it’s completely normal to feel happy and sad simultaneously. Cue the Kacey Musgraves song ;). I can feel such a deep sadness for what happened and also be happy about what I’m doing to improve my overall health in 2024.
I have some big goals for myself this year, including losing weight, regularly taking greens and supplements, working out 3+ times a week, doing a hormone panel to balance my hormones, eat cleaner, being the best mama to my two littles as possible, growing my small business, reading through the entire Bible, etc.
I know that God didn’t cause this miscarriage. He actually wept with us at the loss of Shepherd (John 11:35) because it sucks. But, God is bigger than loss. He is greater than anything that the Devil could try to bring upon us.
I will be over the moon excited to share another pregnancy when the time comes, but for now, I continue to place my hope in Him.
Tia Marie 🙂
tia marie 